Ghost Games by Solomon Hillfleet
“It was all going well until I made a crucial mistake. I got caught up in the rapture of it all and told her the three dreaded words every man knows better than to say. No, not love. Like though. If saying I love you was the gunshot to the heart, saying I like you too soon was the knife wound.”
Solomon Hillfleet, FuckBoy
The term ghosting has been adopted and used by our generation to refer to the practice of ignoring and removing oneself from a relationship with another person. It can be gradual or sudden, but either way, the impact it reeks on the other person is clear and hurtful. In the book, we discuss the culture of ghosting and in particular, the actions that lead to men being ghosted by women. Often men are the ones associated with this harmful practice and it is a justifiable assumption sometimes, however it absolves the opposite sex of its culpability. With the shift of power dynamics in our society, women can leverage their beauty and sometimes sexuality through a range of social media apps and tools from Tinder to Bumble. This shift does not absolve women of risk and harm. The culture of violence and risk for women is more pronounced than before in some ways. The book examines the often ignored dynamic of power which in this day and age lends itself to women and in particular black women.
The economic success of black women couples well with the other societal elements of today. For men such as Solomon, they feel how disposable they are to women who can easily garner attention from others. They feel how careful they must be to avoid appearing eager or desiring. Ironic that in an age of dating, people go to dating apps and meet others with the intention of not seeming as if they desire companionship. More so telling is how acutely aware men are of how they must be. If a man expresses his interest verbally, most times, it is a turnoff, a sign that this man must be emotionally needy. There is a fine line between emotional transparency and neediness, but what does it say about our society we associate transparency with weakness?
I am not excusing men from their responsibility to forthright and honest. The crux of the problems encountered by Solomon stems from his inability, to be honest with the women he dates. I am shedding light on the consequences of doing so. There are degrees of expression, but to make someone feel as if they are inadequate for feeling something is the worst.
