Kevin Samuels is an ass, but he ain’t lied to us yet.
Kevin Samuels is getting a lot of heat for his comments, but his thoughts on male and female dynamics are insightful.
Image consultant Kevin Samuels has gotten a lot of smoke for his relationship advice ever since his You’re Average at Best video hit social media a while back. Almost overnight, men and women responded to the display with mixed feelings as women on social condemned him for telling black women they needed to change themselves. Normally, I’d put on my best Derrick Jaxn impression and condemn him too, but I can’t. Samuel’s criticism doesn’t take away from the valuable advice that he gives to both sexes. On the other side of his delivery is truth and honesty, like the kind we used to get from our teachers, coaches, and family members. Take for example some statements he gave on the No Jumper episode:
“Women, by nature, want to consolidate on the highest value man possible. Social media and dating apps have now made it where you have almost 100% of women wanting men in the top 10 and 20% to produce this outcome which is unrealistic. You want a man making at least six figures? That’s only 10% — 14% of the population.”
What’s hateful about that? Women have unrealistic expectations of men that are rooted in television and social media campaigns. Most women feel as if they should have the best choices, regardless of how competitive the market is. It’s not hateful. It is hurtful. It’s not toxic. It is honest. Look at the income distribution in the black community if you disagree.
“We have gotten to the point that for the most part we don’t know how to relate to each other. We know how to swipe left, swipe right, hook up and get on.”
You don’t have to be active on social media to know that today’s dating culture is toxic. Turn on your favorite show (Insecure is mine personally) and add in the occasional gender war on Twitter and you can see the rift in the black community. Part of it is because of our expectations for each other and the other part is our lack of compassion for the other's expectations.
We ask so much of each other without realizing how much of a sacrifice it is to give someone what they want physically, mentally and financially. Women want a financially stable, young, sensitive man capable of violence and men want a chaste, sexually liberated mother who also can host dinner parties.
Before you say that Samuels only picks on women, don’t forget how he started. Samuels spent most of his career telling men how to become someone that women wanted. In fact, one of his most famous videos involves a young man he addressed who felt women should flock to him. To be fair, he’s equal opportunity in his attacks on men and women’s confidence. But that’s because he has to be. You can’t have it one way. If men have work to do, then women do as well. Matter of fact, he said that.
“The first thing I tell guys I coach is that we have to get brutally honest about where you are and where you want to get to. Understand how far that is and put in the work.” If it’s ok to tell young men to change, and based on what I see on social media every day, it is, then it only makes sense for it to work the same way.
Is he an ass? Yes. Arrogant, very. But his analysis of our relationship issues is spot on. If we could focus more on what someone said than how they said it, we could bridge a lot of gaps. Maybe Samuels is one person helping us get there in his own way. He gives us the advice we need but don’t want to hear, but he gives it to everyone and he uses facts to lead the way.